Common Responses From Children During And After Divorce

Responses From Children During Divorce

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And What They Actually Mean

1. “Separation May Be Better Than Your Constant Fights.”

Although children will be hoping that the marriage succeeds, those are caught up in the fights between their parents may actually be glad especially if the divorce will mean an end to constant fights and squabbles at home.

2. “Do Not Give Me Too Many Details About Mum/Dad.”

Remember that your children are not your confidantes. If your partner did something unappealing, spare your kids the gory details and instead consider talking to older people that you trust such as close friends.

3. “Stop Keeping Secrets From Me.”

Ensure that you let your kids know why you want to divorce your partner. One of the things that you can tell them is that you and spouse still love each other but you do not want to remain married. Ideally, you should give your kids an age-appropriate explanation on why you will be separating from your partner.

4. “I Do Not Want to Get a New Mum/Dad.”

On getting a divorce, take sometime before bringing a new partner to your kids. Take at least a year or two years before introducing your new partner to the kids. Most importantly, do not introduce your new partner as the kids’ new mum or dad.

5. “I Love You Both.”

Children usually love both of their parents and they feel connected to both you and your ex. Ensure that you respect this bond and avoid badmouthing your partner to the kids as they may end up feeling as if you do not love them since they are connected to the spouse you are speaking ill of.

6. “You Cannot Buy My Love but, You Can Try!”

Kids may try to use the divorce as a means of getting stuff from you. Always remember that it is the time and dedication that you give your kids which will show that you love and value them and not the material things you buy.

7. “I Wish You Were Both Still Together.”

Do not be surprised if your kids still feel that you should not have gone through a divorce long after it happens. Note that your kids can have this feeling even if they are happy with your new partner.

8. “I Miss Mum/Dad.”

Just because your kids that they miss your former spouse doesn’t mean that they do not love and value you. It simply means that they feel torn because of the divorce.

9. “I Am Not Your Spy.”

After divorcing your partner, do not ask your kids to spy on them on your behalf. If you have any questions ask your kids directly or gather any information that you need from third-parties.

10. “Please Call Me.”

Ensure that you constantly keep in touch with your kids even if it is not your visitation time. Even if you have an uncooperative ex, consider putting in place mechanisms to help you regularly keep in touch with your kids.

11. “Why Are You Crying?”

Do not pretend that the divorce did not affect you in any way. If you cannot help but cry around your kids, consider telling them that you are sad but doing okay. Your kids will likely be sympathetic and give you a hug or cuddle. If you sat that nothing is wrong yet you are crying in front your children, all you will be doing is sending them conflicting messages. For help getting through divorce contact

12. “I Do Not Like Moving Around.”

Moving your kids

around every few weeks can be exhausting for them. Be patient and try to give your kids as much stability as possible.

13. “Please Do Not Fight.”

Ensure that you and your ex are civil with each other whenever your kids are around.