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Twins are a major attention magnet and that’s true even while you’re pregnant. But what happens to older siblings in the process? They can often lose out on time and attention and only gets worse after the twins are born. Take the attention a new baby usually gets and double it or treble it, especially if your twins are identical. Wherever you go people will want to ooh and ahh – and it won’t be over your older son or daughter. If that child has been used to being the center of attention, he or she might find it hard to take, so here’s how you can improve matters so that all your kids are happy.
Keep Them Informed
Don’t let the birth of your twins be an unwelcome surprise to your toddler or older sibling. Let them know what’s happening in words they can understand. They need to know that you may not be able to pick them up as much and that you may spend some time away. Most kids love the thought of being a big brother or big sister, so make much of this important role and they will be eager to welcome the twins into the world. Other important things they can do include helping you to narrow down names. Older children can also get information and help through books written specifically for them such as I’m Having Twins written by a girl who’s now 13.
After The Birth
Some parents of twins find that giving your child twin dolls so he or she can mimic what you do helps your child to get into the new routine. If they are interested, they can also help you with tasks like helping you pack baby bags for going out, selecting clothes for the babies and so on. Beware, though – don’t turn your older kid into a glorified nanny or your kid will soon get tired of the presence of twins. It’s also important to continue to spend time with the older child that doesn’t revolve around the twins. This might mean taking the child out while leaving the twins with the other parent, arranging play dates for the older sibling or simply booking in some alone time for reading or playing. That will help to reassure older children that they are still important to you.
Managing Expectations
Going out and about can be the toughest time for older siblings as complete strangers stop to coo over the twins. Some parents use strategies like dressing the twins differently, taking them out in single rather than double buggies or including older siblings in conversations about physical or mental attributes. When you have visitors, make much of how helpful the older sibling is and talk about their prowess at sports, music or art so they will know that they are still special to you.
Finally, try your best to maintain some of your pre-twins routines with the older sibling. Play games with your older child when the babies are asleep and stick to the usual bath and bedtime routine. This will help older siblings adjust well to the presence of twins.
This was a guest post by Lior who is a consultant to Milk and also works with a kid furniture company called Kids Chair World.