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Have you ever considered fostering a child? Fostering a child is one of the most challenging things an individual can do, but it’s also one of the most beautiful and rewarding.
I had a chat with Lorraine*, a single mum of 3 who starting fostering a little over 7 years ago. She talked me through the trail and tribulations of being a foster parent, and let me know what makes her continue to make a difference in children’s and young people’s lives.
Q. Tell me a little about yourself; how long you have been fostering and what types of placements you have had.
A. I have raised 3 Son’s of my own. I am now a single carer. I have been a foster carer for 7 years. During this time, I have looked after children ranging from 6 months up to 19 years. I have had a parent and child placement stay with me. I have been involved in the bridging of two adoptions, one for a 2-year-old and one for a 4-year-old, and have looked after various other children including a young adult with mental health issues.
Q. What made you decide to take that first step and enquire about becoming a foster carer?
A. At the time I was doing voluntary work helping young families who were having problems coping. I felt that that wasn’t enough and I wanted to do more to help children. As I had longed to become a foster carer for a long time, I decided that at the tender age of 49 I would find out if I was still young enough, as it is at that age you have a lot of life experiences which help with taking care of young people. After going through the process my fostering career started.
Q. What was your experience of the assessment process? How did you feel throughout the process? Were you supported and informed at each step?
A. I found the process quite invasive at times, recalling all the traumas in your life and talking about how you dealt with them and how they effected you and your family. Funny at times talking about things you did with your siblings during your childhood and the kind of relationship you have with your own parents. My social worker going through my form F with me was very understanding and explained to me the reasons for all the questions and why they were important. After all it’s your life experiences that make you the person you are today and determine your suitability to become a foster carer.
Q. Tell me about your experience of taking that first placement. How did you feel?
A. My first placement was two siblings, at this stage you feel that you can “fix” everything and make the world a better place, but soon realise there are limitations to what you can do to help a child. One of these children went on to be successfully adopted while the other stayed in care. While it was sad to see only the youngest sibling was able to be adopted it was also the best thing for the child. A forever family was identified and the bridging began, and at least one of the family was given the opportunity to have a more stable and better future.
Q. How do you think the young people feel coming into your home for the first time?
A. I expect this depends on the age of the child and their background. I expect younger children will be afraid, as you are a stranger to them and they may have bad experiences of strangers. They will worry about what you expect of them and if you will like them, will you feed them and look after them, and be wondering what they have done wrong that has made them be taken from their parents. Also when will they be able to see their parents and possibly siblings again.
Q. Tell me about the positives you have experienced during your foster placements?
A. Fostering comes with lots of different positives, from just being able to provide a safe and loving home for a child, getting a child back into regular education to bigger situations like moving a child onto an adoptive family if they cannot go back to live with their birth family. I have been privileged to have been able to bridge two adoption placements. Being a small cog in a big wheel and being such an important part of a child’s life that has gone on to have a forever family and a secure future is an amazing feeling. A few years out of your life helping a child has a big impact on the whole of their life.
Q. What support systems are in place to help you through the difficult times?
A. A good source of support from family, friends, other foster carers, social workers and your own agency team are vital for a successful placement and a positive outcome.
Q. If you could encourage anyone to become foster carers what would you say?
A. Being a foster carer is not always an easy thing to do, it is a very emotional path to take. I would encourage anyone considering becoming a foster carer to learn as much as possible about it and consider the impact fostering will have on their own family and lifestyle. If their heart was still in it I would say go for it as you could be the one to make a difference.
Q. What are the main skills/qualities any new foster carer would need?
A. Being a foster carer, you have to be able to put yourself in the child’s shoes. Foster carers need to have a lot of patience, empathy, a good sense of humour, lots of energy, be understanding of both the child’s and the birth family’s feelings and most of all have a big heart.
Q. What do you think the biggest myth is surrounding fostering?
A. I think initially people think fostering is just about looking after a child as in feeding, clothing, providing a home for the child etc. But children are all different and are little adults in the making, children in the care system have complex additional needs, which are sometimes harder to understand and help with.
Q. Why do you continue to foster children and young people?
A. Once you become a foster carer it soon becomes a way of life, whether it’s helping a young person mature and become independent or working towards moving a child onto an adoption placement, introducing them to their forever parents and settling them into their new home. Whatever the progress a child makes whilst with you, it is an amazing and fulfilling feeling to have been part of their lives.
Lorraine* fosters through a private fostering agency called Lorimer Fostering in Manchester.