A Surrogate Mom’s Hopes and Anxieties

Posted by kim on March 16, 2010

Pamela MacPhee

The following is a guest post by Pamela MacPhee, Author of DELiVERiNG HOPE: The Extraordinary Journey of a Surrogate Mom

While I have never given birth to preemies or twins, I think I can relate to some of the mixed up emotions of fear and hope and anxiety that accompany a complicated pregnancy and birth.

I have carried and delivered four babies; none of the deliveries were easy.

The first three were mine.

But it was my fourth that was the most anxious and emotionally draining pregnancy and delivery, not because I delivered preemie twins, but because I carried a baby that did not belong to me.

I grew up with my cousin, Henry, playing tag in the backyard, jumping on beds and racing down the Sierra Mountains on skis. I loved him like an annoying little brother. So a few years ago when his wife was diagnosed with cancer, I struggled to find a way to help. After learning that as a consequence of radiation treatment, Lauren would not be able to carry a baby, I found my opportunity. I could not imagine the devastation and emptiness of a life without the possibility of children, and so with a hopeful heart I offered to be a surrogate mom, to carry their baby for them. My offer completely overwhelmed them.

When they eventually embraced the idea of a journey through surrogacy together, I saw what my offer meant to them and then I was overwhelmed. While I was excited to be giving them hope for their future, I realized in that moment that it would be my responsibility to make sure that their hopes and dreams were realized. I had to succeed, to come through for them on my promise. I couldn’t even consider the alternative.

Months later in the hours after our first embryo transfer attempt, I found myself whispering fervently to those little ones seeking a home inside my uterus. Failure was not an option. And so when the fertility doctor slid a gelled paddle across my belly two weeks later searching for signs of life, I held my breath in anxious anticipation. When the sound of a quickening fetal heartbeat filled the examining room, I exhaled in relief and my eyes filled with tears as I watched my cousin and his wife marvel at the sound of their child inside of me.

Nine months later lying down on another examining table inside a hospital OR while the obstetrician made the first incision of a planned c-section delivery, I found myself holding my breath again. Please let this baby be healthy and perfect. I have to succeed. Failure is not an option. Minutes later the doctor lifted a beautiful, healthy little girl from my belly for her parents to see for the first time, and again I sighed in relief. And my cousin’s wife moaned with joy.

I suddenly felt exhausted. Finally I could let go of all that anxiety and fear and sense of responsibility. Holding their baby later that morning, I admired her perfection, her courage, her tenacity, and thanked her dearly for joining me on our journey. We had done it together and now my cousin and his wife could embrace life again. It had been a long, anxious road, but we had succeeded. And in no time a small child would be playing tag with her cousins in the backyard.

I published a book about our surrogacy journey titled DELIVERING HOPE, and if you’d like to read more about our amazing journey and the joy of giving a family, please go to my website at DeliveringHopeBook.com to find out more and order a book!

Setting up a blog for your babies

Posted by kim on March 15, 2010

I wish “blogs” would have been around back when my twins were riding the NICU roller coaster in 1994. It would have been nice to keep our friends and families updated of the girls’ progress, as well as give me a place to scribble out my feelings, frustrations and aggravations.

In 1998, I started experimenting with HTML and created a page for my “preemie twins” on Tripod.com (now merged with Lycos). I shared stories with others that used Angelfire, Geocities and AOL to host their “stories”. I don’t know anyone that uses Tripod anymore. AOL no longer offers member sites for free, Geocites (acquired by Yahoo) has closed, and Angelfire fills the pages with more ads than content.

So, what would I recommend for new parents wanting to journal their babies’ progress?  Google offers Blogger.com which is totally free and very easy to use. And it’s a great place to play around and experiment.  But keep in mind that Google owns your content and can delete your pages at any given time, or even go out of business.  I doubt Google will go out of business, but they could close out Blogger, like Yahoo closed out Geocities.

I highly recommend registering your own domain name (I  suggest a registering a “.com” instead of a “.net”, “.biz”, etc.), and domain names are under $10/year.  Next set up a web site hosting account. The cheapest plan is usually all you will need unless your traffic soars beyond belief, and you do not need dedicated hosting at this time.  Then build your blog. Many domain hosting accounts offer WordPress installs with a click of a mouse. If not, you can download WordPress for free at WordPress.org. WordPress comes prepackaged with a generic blue theme, but there are a variety of sites that offer free templates, such as the pastel Pop Fresh Theme that I use on this very site.

For more info on setting up a blog (and ways to even make money from it), visit Work In My Pajamas.

Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Chinese birth charts can predict baby gender

Posted by kim on March 11, 2010

The following is a guest post written by Sylvia Lindenberg

3 Different Ways to Accurately Determine the Gender of Your Baby Using a Chinese Birth Chart

Many claim that the Chinese birth chart is over ninety percent accurate as tested by many people over the years. There are, however, different ways by which others deem it to be more accurate. Some say that it is enough to put the date the baby is conceived and the age of the mother during conception, while others argue to use the Chinese Lunar calendar in the date and the mother’s Chinese age, or even include the location of the parents for a more accurate prediction.

A Chinese birth chart is said to predict the gender of your baby by providing certain details, whether you are currently pregnant or planning to have a baby. Its history is deemed to be coming from a tomb in ancient Beijing some 700 years ago. While the formula was basically interpreted to predict by providing the month your baby is conceived and your age as a mother during conception, there are new arguments arising on what information is really needed to come up with a more accurate gender prediction. The following are different ways by which you will accurately know the gender of your baby using a Chinese birth chart:

Give basic information

At first, it was said that you need to provide the month your baby was conceived and your age during conception. Once you have these two details, refer to your Chinese birth chart and see where these two meet to find out whether your baby is a boy or a girl.

Include your timezone

Some experts agree to include your location’s timezone with your information. This will more accurately determine the date your baby is conceived and even your age at the time of conception.

Use Chinese lunar calendar and your Chinese age

In determining the month your baby is conceived, it is advised to use the Chinese lunar calendar to find the accurate month of conception. Your age the time of the conception must also be your Chinese age. There are certain websites, such as Chinesefortunecalendar.com , that can help you come up with the Chinese lunar month and your Chinese age during the conception of your baby.

Some websites that offer you gender prediction through a Chinese birth chart often mention that even though the predictions are said to be highly accurate, they will not be responsible for any mistake. Parents usually take this quiz just for fun or to test whether it really matches with the baby they now have.